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[personal profile] sarea
Okay, I have a bunch of unfinished stories, but only one on this hard drive, so that's the one I'm sharing.

I don't know if any of you (aside from Lissanne) ever read When I'm Here, which was the first story I ever posted in the HP fandom. *moment of nostalgia* It wasn't the happiest story in the world, and I always had people asking me to "finish" it, because clearly, since it wasn't happy, it wasn't finished. :p Well, as far as I was concerned, the story was complete, and I swore I wouldn't write a sequel to it unless the sequel itself was worthy of a story of its own, rather than a tagalong to the first story, and it wouldn't necessarily "make things right."

Well, a loooong while back, the sequel finally hit me. But I've got a lot of other things on my plate right now, and I'm not sure when or if this story will ever be written. It's not high on my list of priorities, or anyone else's, so it's perfect for this exercise. <g> It's just ... there. This is the very beginning and only goes on for a page or so, so nothing really happens, and it's not that interesting.

Aren't pointless memes great? :D

Unfinished Fic: When I'm Gone

(As it stands, completely unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.)

+++

Oh, my love, please don't cry
I'll wash my bloody hands and we'll start a new life

I don't know much at all
I don't know wrong from right
All I know is that I love you tonight


+++

She is your world now; the only reason you are.

When you think of her, your heart aches, your spine tingles, and often, you feel the prickling behind your eyelids that tells you the sadness has welled again and needs relief. She doesn’t know what she means to you ... does she? How can she, really? You tell her in a thousand ways every day; maybe she senses it. When you look into her eyes, those big, gorgeous eyes, you think that you can comprehend the universe, that you can do anything, take on any challenge.

But it lasts only a moment. Though you tell yourself that she is the only companion you need, the loneliness that eats at you a little more each day tells a different story. You want to be strong for her, and most of the time, you’re successful. But too often there are moments when you fear that you might allow yourself to slip through the cracks, and then she will have no one.

+++

“Ginny,” says Seamus, standing at the doorway. “Your brother is here.”

She looks up from the laundry she is folding. “Ron?” she asks. The clothes are still warm from the dryer, and Ginny’s hands are cold. She doesn’t want to leave them cooling on her bed, wasting the heat, but she knows that she cannot ignore one of her brothers in favor of laundry. Such behavior would raise too much concern, and she has been feeling stifled by that too much lately.

Seamus nods, waiting for her to precede him out the bedroom door. Ginny puts what she believes is a smile on her face and prepares to greet her brother. What is he doing here on a Tuesday night, at nine p.m.? She can feel Seamus following behind her.

“Gin!” says Ron with false cheerfulness. The surreptitious look he directs over her head at Seamus makes it clear to Ginny that they have been talking. Again.

“Hello Ron. Harriet.” Ginny leans forward and kisses her sister-in-law on the cheek. “How nice of you to visit.”

Harriet returns the kiss and says, “Well, we were in the neighborhood having supper. We passed by the Talon Theatre and saw that a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream is playing! Ron and I thought that we might all enjoy seeing that together.”

“Isn’t that your favorite Shakespeare play, darling?” says Seamus, sounding jovial.

Ginny flinches. “Yes.” She moves subtly to the side when he moves to put his arm around her. She notices that Ron exchanges glances with her husband again, and is mildly annoyed by how utterly transparent they are. They forget that she used to work in a department at the Ministry that required utmost discretion and subtlety. It has been a little over a year since she resigned her position, but it feels like ages, and must to Ron and Seamus as well, since they treat her as if she has been a homemaker all her life.

“I think that’s a great idea, Harriet,” says Seamus when Ginny does not elaborate or respond to the other woman’s suggestion. “When were you thinking of?”

Harriet looks at Ginny worriedly. “Erm – Ron, what were we saying? Next Saturday, if we can get tickets? If that works for you two, of course.”

“It works for us,” says Seamus firmly, placing an arm around Ginny’s shoulders.

Ginny says nothing. She does not want to go, but then, they know that. She understands that this is an argument she will not win. They are too desperate, too enamored of the idea that they can somehow bring her out of the depression she appears to be suffering from.

She reaches forward to hug her brother and sister-in-law goodbye. She is fond of them, of course, but, mostly, it is so that she can pull away from Seamus’s hold.

+++

In non-meme news, I'm impatient for [livejournal.com profile] literocracy to begin, so I'm making a post to the community asking for book suggestions from all of you. This is probably one of the last mentions of community business I'll make in this journal, so if you're watching my LJ but not the community, you'll start missing out. :D

Later, gators.

Date: 2003-11-11 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] apple-eyes.livejournal.com
*is scandalized* Not that interesting. Sarea, you greatly underestimate yourself.

Of course it was interesting. I could not contain my glee when I read that you have some semblence of a sequel for that fic. I must say that I am very intersted in that little teaser you gave.

But I always wondered why Ginny even let herself marry Seamus. Was it her family, or did she just need some kind of commitment and now she regrets it? It is all very fascinating.

I hope one day you may continue this fic. Until then, well I guess I am forced to wait.

Date: 2003-11-11 04:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
I always wondered why Ginny even let herself marry Seamus.

I'm pretty sure she loved him. Or thought she did, anyway. Regardless, she and Draco were not involved when she and Seamus were married, so he wasn't a factor in that decision. (I think that was the question behind your question? ;) )

Awww, well I'm glad this little snippet piqued your interest a bit. This story's on the backburner, behind TSA and IYOK -- but if I feel like writing something relatively short while posting those, this may yet get written. : ) Thanks for the encouragement!

Date: 2003-11-11 05:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] apple-eyes.livejournal.com
I'm pretty sure she loved him. Or thought she did, anyway. Regardless, she and Draco were not involved when she and Seamus were married, so he wasn't a factor in that decision. (I think that was the question behind your question? ;) )


Oh I see.I always thought that Draco and Ginny got together before the marriage. Hmm...*ponders* that certainly clears things up. But now I feel really bad for poor old Seamus. He probably loves Ginny, and now her heart belongs to Draco. She can't even stand his touch. How angsty.

Date: 2003-11-11 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lissannej.livejournal.com
You know, I reread "When I'm Here" just the other day. It was the first piece of yours I'd ever read and I love it as much as I did the first time.

A sequel! I had no idea you were planning one. I thought it was fine as a standalone... but this just breaks my heart. She's so desperately in love with Draco and it's almost as if she's mourning him. Wah. So sad. Would love to read more once it's done.

*hugs you tight* Hope we can catch up soon.

Date: 2003-11-11 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
I thought it was fine as a standalone...

Me too. That's why I resisted a sequel for so long. But then the "right" story came to me, so I started jotting it down. Still, you and Annibug have both expressed a very good reason to leave well enough alone: not every story has to be wrapped up all nice with a little bow. If people are happy w/ WIH the way it is, then I'm perfectly happy with that.

Image

Date: 2003-11-11 05:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lissannej.livejournal.com
I never sought out a sequel, just because I felt it didn't need one. But hey, wouldn't ever say no to new fic from you, even if I've been slack as of late reviewing it. I still owe you and Jade three between you -- they're sitting in my inbox. Oh, to have 40 hours in the day.

*kisses you back*

When I'm Gone

Date: 2003-11-11 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annibug.livejournal.com
I always liked "When I'm Here" and I always wondered what was going to happen. He never did say goodbye to her, but that was kind of the appeal for me. The 'what ifs' and all. I left it up to my imagination on how it all ended.

However, now that you've given me a little teaser I can't help but wonder if any of my 'what ifs' will come true.

You said you may not continue so I won't bug you about writing more but I had to let you know that you've definitely peaked my interest. I never imagined Ron to be a part of this.

Re: When I'm Gone

Date: 2003-11-11 05:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
He never did say goodbye to her, but that was kind of the appeal for me.

As I just told Liss, this is actually a very good reason for me to just leave it alone. I do think that open-ended stories aren't appreciated enough in this fandom, and I was perfectly happy with the story until I got hit with the idea for the sequel.

I really like the idea of people having their own ideas about what happened, and maybe they prefer it that way. In fact, it's nice to know that some people do prefer it that way. I don't necessarily want to be one of those writers who feels the need to spell it all out ... and yet, now that the idea's in my head ...

Maybe the compromise is that if this ever gets written, I will tell those who were happy with WIH to not read it. :))

Date: 2003-11-11 06:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emiliap.livejournal.com
Hey!

I have read all about Literocracy and would love to join. Reading is my grand and tooby passion. Are there requirements to join? I couldn't seem to post at the group inquiring about joining since it was friends only. If you could let me know I would greatly appreciate it. :D

Hugs,
Em

Date: 2003-11-11 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
Nope, no formal requirements. Informal would be a love of reading and discussion, but I assume you wouldn't want to join without those things, anyway. ; ) You should get an invite soon.

Date: 2003-11-11 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emiliap.livejournal.com
Thanks a bunch, I'll look forward to it :) And don't worry, I don't think wanting to read and discuss will be a problem *wink*.

~Em

Date: 2003-11-11 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chrismiss.livejournal.com
*meeble* So bittersweet and angsty. Now I want to know why Ginny is all uncomfortable with Seamus and Ron. Am also curious as to what's up with Ron and Seamus...are they only worried about her well being? Or is there something else.

Must say that I agree with Liss that 'When I'm Here' was always a standalone as well for me, but I'm very glad that you've got this little plot bunny going. Raises all these questions for me...am sitting on pins and needles waiting to see what will happen later regardless when you update.

Date: 2003-11-11 07:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
Well, she is having an adulterous affair. :))

Wow, though -- I had no idea so many people liked it just fine as a standalone. More and more, I'm being convinced to just leave well enough alone. Which actually makes me pretty happy. : ) It's really good to know that a story I wrote was enjoyed by many people the way I intended.

Date: 2003-11-11 08:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rainpuddle13.livejournal.com
I told you this a long time ago when I first got up the nerve to talk to you that When I Gone is one of my all time favorite D/G one shots. It still stands. I just recently reread it and it breaks my heart everytime single time.

I think the idea of a sequel is splendiferious if you are up to it. I know I am up to reading it. Then maybe some of my questions might be answered - why did she marry Seamus when she's so clearly in love with Draco. And why, why, why can't Draco find a way to be with her. It's obivious he loves her beyond reason. *Sniffles*

You write the best gut wrenching angst!

*fangirls you for a few minutes*

Date: 2003-11-11 09:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
Really? I do not remember this at all. But then my memory's waning in my old age. WAH. In any case, I rather like the idea of breaking people's hearts and leaving them that way. :D Not because I'm evil, but because there are so many other stories out there that will mend them again. Gotta have some variety, right?

why did she marry Seamus when she's so clearly in love with Draco

Well, as I told [livejournal.com profile] apple_eyes, Ginny wasn't involved with Draco when she married Seamus. She probably believed she loved him when she married him.

One could argue that if Draco loves Ginny beyond reason, they'll never be together, because he'd never risk it. Isn't that an interesting paradox? Because of course, the flip is to say that if he loved her he'd want to be with her at all cost. Hmmm. Maybe to himself, but not her. *angsts*

This is how it happened in my mind...

Date: 2003-11-11 11:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annibug.livejournal.com
One could argue that if Draco loves Ginny beyond reason, they'll never be together

For this particular fic, that's the way I always viewed it. He loved her so much that he couldn't bring her into his world. It was too risky and he was already stuck, there wasn't a choice for him anymore. This was how I invisioned the behind the scenes: Ginny had fallen in love with a DeathEater, and not the double agent kind of DeathEater. If he tried to get away, he'd be killed and if she tried to be with him she'd be killed, possibly by her family but most likely the "dark-side". I also got the sense that she'd consider crossing over to the dark side to be with him but that's something he'd never want for her. Just one more reason why they could never be together. Even if Voldemort was defeated then Azkaban would be the next stop for him. So depressing and angsty but hopelessly romantic to me. (Not his going to prison but their love for one another)

Date: 2003-11-11 08:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sydney-lynne.livejournal.com
Well, it's up to you what you decide to do with the story, but my unpopular two cents are thus: I like reading fanfiction with at least the hope of a pseudo-happy and resolved ending, although I don't necessarily like writing happy endings so I can see from your perspective why you wouldn't want to. My feelings on When I'm Here are somewhat similar to my feelings on Liss's The Hermione Monologues, I recognize that they're excellent in many ways, but they just won't ever be on my list of favorite stories because I like reading stories that somehow resolve themselves through the angst to be at least hopeful.

Maybe you should just tell me what happens next. ^_^

Date: 2003-11-11 09:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
First you browbeat [livejournal.com profile] kirixchi about Mists of Avalon, now this. I think I ph34r you.

What's interesting here is the difference you've got between "favorite" stories and "good" stories -- I completely know what you mean. However, I think I'd use slightly different terminology. The good stories I can't read over and over because they're too painful, I'd still call my "favorites" (like Rising from Ashes), and they'd probably be stories I'd rec to other people. Then there are the stories that I like to read over and over (usually they'd be considered "favorites," but sometimes, actually not) because I like the way they make me feel, happy and content. Those I may or may not rec.

There was a point to calling out this distinction when I started this reply, and now I've lost it. Must be because I've gotten too little sleep these past two nights and now I'm feeling tired. Yeah, that's it.

Maybe you should just tell me what happens next.

How clever and sneaky of you. Maybe when I work out all the details. Right now, all the ideas are sort of floating about ephemerally in my head. :D (Look, I'm making up words!)

Date: 2003-11-11 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sydney-lynne.livejournal.com
I think I ph34r you.
I've challenged at least five, maybe more like ten, of the most prominent authors in the fandom over points of contention in their stories. Never let it be said that I review to be popular. (Not that they care what I say, but still.) I call it like I see it. Maybe this is why I have no friends in real life, I can't be fake about liking something when I don't. :P

Not to say that I haven't read When I'm Here more than once, although when I've re-read it I haven't been keen on reading to the end. Sometimes I just need my quality D/G smut fix. ;)

It's interesting that you bring up RfA, I was going to mention it originally in my reply but I didn't think it was fair to compare a standalone fic like yours to a novel-length fanfic. We've had this discussion before, reading the novel-length stuff makes you really invest into it and it's pretty devastating not to get a good ending. I mean, if Jade had just left Our Winter *perish the thought* without the epilogue I would have very similar feelings towards it as to RfA.

Anyway, that said. Probably the most apt story to bring up in this situation is Anise's Requiem for Draco's Dream, which was for a long time possibly my favorite one-shot even with the less than satisfactory ending. Although maybe that's because I refuse to give up on the idea that D/G can still end up together in that universe. Anyway, Candle in the Window has totally replaced it as my favorite one-shot because the ending is so much more hopeful. I guess even though I'm a sucker for angst I'm still looking for happy resolutions, because the angst 'earns' it.

But yeah, for me, favorite does imply that I want to read the story over and over again. I can rec "good" fic, but I prefer to read "favorite" fics. These days there are very few stories on that list of favorites. I blame you and Jade entirely for raising my expectations to impossibly high standards of writing, when I used to be at least marginally content with ff.net. *glares*

You'll just have to make up for it by telling me what happens next. :D

novel-length vs. standalone

Date: 2003-11-11 11:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annibug.livejournal.com
I am completely with you about novel-length stories. If I invest that kind of time and emotion (and I do get emotional over some of these stories), I want a happy ending.

I do like the occasional open ending though in a stand alone.

Date: 2003-11-11 11:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
Yeah, I'm completely with you about novel-length stories vs. short stand-alones on time invested, etc. However, I'm also with you in that stories I write are ... different, for me. :D Just like how you tend to write angstier than you read ... I'm the same way. Elements that I couldn't bear reading in another story, I'd probably be much more okay with in my own story, because ... well, I trust myself. And I think that's true for many if not all writers.

But, there's a convenient example that goes back to the original topic of this entry (isn't it nice when it works out that way?) -- WIH was never actually meant to be posted. Jade and I had just gotten into the HP fandom, and I was bemoaning the lack of readable smut for my ship of choice. Smut was second nature in my old fandom, and I wasn't new to writing it, so I figured I'd just write a little something to entertain myself (because, as you know, many of us write the stories we want to read). Thus WIH was born -- just a fun, fluffy smutfest. There was a bit of angst, but ... guess what? It ended happily. There was very little conflict, and it was quite boring, the smut aside. (Or in fact, the instant smut without any angst even made that more boring than it should have been.)

I showed it to Jade, and she said, "Oh, you should post it." So I noodled with it a bit, to get it ready for public consumption, but still, I was unhappy with it and could not bring myself to show it to anyone. So I rewrote the ending and fiddled with other parts, until it resembled a story I would be happy to have attached to my name. :D Weird, huh?

Your compliments are going to make my head expand to epic proportions. I can barely fit it through the door as it is. Heehee.

Date: 2003-11-11 11:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annibug.livejournal.com
I'm just commenting to you all over the place tonight. Since you brought up favorites I wanted to tell you that one of the stories I read over and over again is "Atypical Lesson". I don't think I will EVER tire of that one.

Date: 2003-11-12 12:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
I just told [livejournal.com profile] sydney_lynne that my head would explode from praise, and now it has. Excuse the messy brains and stuff. And also, thank you! :D

As for your hypothetical backstory to WIH, I think that's entirely justifiable. One of the reasons I personally liked the story was because I could think of a multitude of ways to end it/have it go, and I was good with all of them. So why not make it so that any one could be possible? You could end it for yourself any way you liked. : )

oh...

Date: 2003-11-11 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sevenfourteen.livejournal.com
i remember that story :) it was one of my first D/Gs and it was SOOOO angsty, i remember thinking "Noooooo!!"

I didn't think there would be a sequel-i thought that was it, but now that you've startred this, i'd like to see what happens :)

anyhow, good luck with this

(also avidly awaiting TSA :D)

*mwah*

Re: oh...

Date: 2003-11-11 09:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
it was SOOOO angsty, i remember thinking "Noooooo!!"

Hahahaha, that is the reaction I go for wrt all my stories. I want people to dread whatever it is that I come out with next. It's my calling as a writer.

I didn't think there would be a sequel-i thought that was it

That makes, well, a lot of us. :)) It was it, and I resisted the sequel for a long time. And in fact, it might still not be written, so I'm glad that people have spoken up here to say that they like it just fine w/o having to know what I think happens next.

Date: 2003-11-12 08:51 am (UTC)
ext_1504: (Default)
From: [identity profile] fearthainn.livejournal.com
*coughs*

I read "When I'm Here" and I actually remember that it put me off reading more of your stories at the time, because I have a knee-jerk negative reaction to stories that feature cheating in any form. (It's a personal response, obviously, and not one that you-as-writer can do much about...I thought it was well written, but that didn't make me feel better about the subject matter.) I've read more of your stories since, so I got over that aspect, but I don't think I've ever gone back and read "When I'm Here" again. So no cries for a sequel from me, although I like what you've got here. :)

Date: 2003-11-12 11:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
I have a knee-jerk negative reaction to stories that feature cheating in any form.

A number of people have told me this, actually. I accept that it's not my most popular work. <g> But there are always different stories to tell in any situation, and in this case, I wanted to explore a world in which this decidedly not-ideal situation was happening. I could go on and on and on about this, but I won't. :D

So no cries for a sequel from me, although I like what you've got here.

Haha, thanks. Of course, I wouldn't expect someone who didn't like it to want a sequel; why revisit a universe that you didn't find compelling in the first place? In this scenario, I don't think there's any way to "fix what's wrong" -- at least, the adultery aspect of it. The people who are interested in a sequel would be those who weren't bothered by it and just want to see G&D end up together. (Happily, and to my surprise, there aren't very many.) But as for the cheating, it would do the story a great disservice (not to mention, make me a hack) if I took it back somehow and made it not true or whatever.

Er, not that that's what you're asking me to do. I only say all that to illustrate my understanding of why you wouldn't want to see a sequel. <g>

Date: 2003-11-12 09:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gaminette.livejournal.com
Hi Sarea - do you mind if I friend you? ta. ^_^

Date: 2003-11-12 11:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
I wouldn't mind at all. : )

Sequel!

Date: 2003-11-12 03:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angylinni.livejournal.com
I must confess that the idea of a sequel is very exciting. I'm ever one for happy endings and that one just left me feeling like something was missing. That was one of the first D/G stories I had ever read and it was so sad to see two people that obviously loved each other very much forced to be apart. So, any sort of sequel that kind of wraps things up would be great. :-D

I would love to join the bookclub now that I can actually think about things other than being pregnant! Intelligent discussion is one of the things that I miss the most about college. That and the parties. :)

ang

Re: Sequel!

Date: 2003-11-12 05:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
You people are just trying to tear me in all different directions. ; ) It's always rather surprising to hear when someone says that a story of mine was one of the first D/G stories they read; I still consider myself a relative newbie to the fandom, so it's kind of a reality check. Like hearing, "Oh, my mom loves your books. They really speak to people her age." Haha. Well, not quite that bad. <g> BUT -- I am glad if you read a story of mine early on, that you're still around and haven't sworn off D/G. :))

You should have gotten an invite to Literocracy. Glad to have you on board!

Date: 2003-11-12 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] centerspire.livejournal.com
1)Loved "When I'm here"
2)Putting you just under Pud on the blame list of me becoming a D/G fan
3)Can you add me to literocracy

Sorry, I seem to be in 'list' mode. kc

Date: 2003-11-12 08:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarea-okelani.livejournal.com
1) Thanks!
2) It's always nice to have new D/G followers, however they come about. :D
3) You should receive an invite shortly.

Sequel

Date: 2004-03-28 03:54 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Hi sarea! Thanks for the email! I am really thrilled with the sequel for the story "when I'm here". I am not at all disappointed and i will surely wait for the continuation of this story! Thanks a lot...

Leane

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