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Cabin in the Woods
So yesterday I went and saw Cabin in the Woods. I'd heard that you should know nothing, absolutely nothing, about the plot or anything before you go in. All I knew was that it was a Joss Whedon/Drew Goddard project, which made me excited for it. I was scared of being spoiled in ANY WAY (![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jade_okelani saw it and she wasn't even allowed to tell me if she LIKED it or not) and tried several times to see it earlier, but was always thwarted in some way (including actually getting to the theater and told that their projector for that particular movie had broken -- wtf? When does that ever happen?!). To respect that others might be doing the same thing, I'm keeping any reaction to the movie under a cut.
- I was disappointed. I don't think this is a result of too much hype/expectation, either. I think I probably would have felt the same had I not had my hopes raised due to two of my favorite BtVS writers being involved with this movie.
- It just wasn't fresh. It felt like a longer, more gruesome Buffy episode. Except that the laughs seemed kind of out of place, because it wasn't in the context of BtVS. It's strangely hard to describe.
- It was alternately tiresomely predictable and tiresomely unpredictable. Like, predictably unpredictable, if that makes any sense. Where it tried to be "different," it was too obviously trying to be different, and yet in the next scene it used the same predictable things that always happens in horror movies. It didn't strike the right balance the way, say, the first Scream movie did, which was this fantastic mix of horror and making fun of the horror genre.
- It was lovely to see Amy Acker and Tom Lenk again, but I kind of felt like Tom Lenk should have been cast as "the fool" (Marty, I think his name was?). I found Marty to be REALLY annoying. I could not for the life of me place him, although I knew that I knew him (just looked it up; he was Topher in Dollhouse). Now that I know for sure who he is, I know he has a normal voice, which makes me feel okay about finding his affected Shaggy voice super annoying. If he'd acted more like the dickhead Topher was, I might've liked him more.
- I was, of course, thrilled to see Chris Hemsworth. It's amazing how he can be THOR, GOD OF THUNDER, then also some young college-age dude/jock. However, I had problems with his character. Kurt LOOKED like a jock, he behaved like a jock, and yet we were supposed to believe he wasn't really a jock, it was the chemicals they were pumping in, he was a sociology major who wouldn't dream of acting caveman like. AND YET HE HAPPENS TO LOOK LIKE CHRIS HEMSWORTH. Jesus, he would've been the perfect guy before all the terrible killing. But seriously, if he was actually that brainy, why was HE "the athlete" in the sacrifice? That makes NO SENSE. Why couldn't HE have been "the intellectual" -- why did that have to be Holden (I could have sworn his name was Paul, but Wikipedia tells me it's Holden O.o)? Because Holden wore glasses? (And btw, also happened to look like a jock. I need to find the place where they make these brainy jock types.) I mean, why not create an actual "jock" or "intellectual"? Why make an intellectual into a jock, just to make the story a little more complex so that it appears more deep than it really is? Also, why did Kurt have a dumb blonde (okay, so she wasn't blonde before, but she was totally acting like the dumb blonde) girlfriend, if he was such a freaking intellectual? I got the impression that they just made Jules more slutty/less inhibited with the chemicals, not that she underwent an entire personality change. Dana didn't seem to think her friend was acting that out of the ordinary. Not that a smart guy going after a dumb girl is unbelievable, men are men, but still, I like my fiction to be fictional -- I like to see smart guys go for girls with more substance, so yeah, I had a problem with it.
- Yeah, I could not have been less interested in Jules. I found it hard to believe she had ever been anything BUT a blonde at any point before the movie started. I was glad she was the first to go and that Chris at least survived that attack (how, we are not told). I was also not that interested in Holden (I swear to God his name is PAUL). We know the least about these two characters, although at least Holden showed some decency wrt the mirror, and later whips on glasses. Except KURT is the one who shows us his intellectual prowess early on when he's looking at Dana's textbooks. So again, it makes no sense to make Holden the intellectual, if they already HAD an intellectual in the group. I mean, other than whipping on a pair of glasses, does Holden display his smarts in any way? If so I missed it. (There was a very short period of time during the movie during which I was emailing Jade about how my brain had exploded due to seeing Thor and Andrew in the same movie. In my defense on this theater no-no, I was 1 of 3 people in the audience and sitting far away from the others.)
- I really liked the actress who played Dana, even though she kept reminding me of someone else -- can't place who, maybe a bunch of different actresses, but I want to say mainly Bryce Dallas Howard -- except that we didn't really know enough about her, or any of them really, to actually root for them. Had this actually BEEN a BtVS episode, of course that character development would not have been necessary. In this movie, as with most movies of its type (Final Destination, Scream, etc.), we just don't know the victims all that well -- and especially in this case because we're told that their natural personalities have been subverted with the use of chemicals and what not.
- I might as well say it -- there was way more chemistry between Kurt and Dana than any other pairing. IT SHOULD'VE BEEN KURT AND DANA TOGETHER AT THE END. *That* would have been more of an 'unpredictable' ending if that's what they were going for, because the effing jock NEVER makes it to the end in these movies; it's ALWAYS the self-aware nerdy guy/gal.
- The ending was seriously underwhelming. Really, they didn't plan for the possibility that one of their sacrifices might find that maintenance room? That they could create that much chaos and there's nothing the control people can do about it but fire machine guns? PLEASE. Seriously, if you're going to be in charge of something like that, some kind of safe room or protocol would certainly have to be in place. (In a universe where there are Old Gods that actively need to be sacrificed to, with zombies and other supernatural creatures about, there's NO supernatural method to counter them? Just axes and guns? Pffffffffft.) I just didn't think Dana/Marty really DID anything all that spectacularly awesome. They found a control room that just HAPPENED to be unmanned, whose door HAPPENED to be unlocked, and they fucking pushed a couple of buttons. SERIOUSLY??????????? This was so, so sloppy. Possibly the most disappointing part of the whole thing. Once this happened, I pretty much checked out for the rest of it.
- What was with making Jules show her tits btw? The control guys were acting like it was a necessary thing, that she had to do it for an audience. Except we learn that they're doing all this for the ritual sacrifice, and I don't think the old gods are sitting there with their cocks in their hands going, "Oooh yeah, boobies!" This bit near the beginning makes it seem more like they're airing this "reality TV" for a very human audience, a la The Truman Show. But they're not. There's really no "TV" aspect to it at all, other than the guys running the thing who need to see what's happening so they can manipulate it, and they're supposedly doing it just for the ritual sacrifice, not to get their rocks off. The only audience entailed the people who work at the control "company," but they dispersed after the wagers about who the killers were going to be this time -- they weren't even there to see Jules's tits. So WTF? That made no sense whatsoever, unless it was a remnant of an earlier plotline that DID involve a human audience, and they decided to stupidly keep it in because, hey, boobs.
- The basic premise aside, which is such a BtVS episode premise, of a group of humans who are systematically sacrificing people to old gods in order to keep them at bay -- there were too many "yeah right" moments. If one of the Buckners was in the RV the whole time, WHY would it have waited until all the stuff with the tunnel and Kurt jumping off the cliff, etc., to strike? IT'S A FUCKING ZOMBIE. It's not "lying it wait" -- it doesn't do that!!! And then, after it killed Holden, why didn't it just turn and stab Dana? The water weakened it in some way? OK and the most ridiculous one of all -- once Dana has climbed onto the dock and that other Buckner finds her, why does it play with her for MINUTES ON END while the control room is celebrating, etc.??? Again, it's a fucking zombie! It could've killed her with one whack! Instead it's alternately choking her and throwing her and it's totally like, wtf? With Jules it just dispatched her, but with Dana, it decides to use the LEAST efficient methods of killing? SO LAME. All to give Marty time to get there and save the day? Ugh. Again, SO SLOPPY. Also, I like how Marty and Dana were running around with what should've been fairly grave injuries, but they acted like what those injuries actually were -- makeup and corn syrup. I mean, they were in NO PAIN. They did not slow down. Fucking Marty was STABBED. The fact that he didn't die was already a miracle/on the verge of unbelievable, but didn't he have some fucking injury somewhere to account for all the blood? So ridiculous. I could probably go on and on in this bullet if I really let myself, so I'll just stop there.
- In theory, I like the premise that the good guys are also bad guys, and the bad guys are also good guys ... but I thought the execution of the movie not only didn't live up to that, but failed it.
- As for the actual ending, meh. I thought they made the right choice. Humanity's not worth saving. The message and the way it was delivered was a bit overwrought, and Sigourney Weaver's appearance was a bit too DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN -- I just wanted it to end by that point. It tried too hard to be like, "This is how it's going to end! Psych! This is how! Psych again!" It was just really tiresome. Again, it seemed obvious that they wanted to stay a step ahead of the audience, except by doing so the stutter-start was more annoying than anything. That's where the predictably unpredictable comes in.
- I don't know if people who didn't watch BtVS would find this movie refreshing, because they've never seen anything like this, or if they'd find it totally WTF. For someone who did watch and love BtVS it was, as I mentioned first thing, too much like it without the context of the BtVS universe to make it good.
jade_okelani saw it and she wasn't even allowed to tell me if she LIKED it or not) and tried several times to see it earlier, but was always thwarted in some way (including actually getting to the theater and told that their projector for that particular movie had broken -- wtf? When does that ever happen?!). To respect that others might be doing the same thing, I'm keeping any reaction to the movie under a cut. - I was disappointed. I don't think this is a result of too much hype/expectation, either. I think I probably would have felt the same had I not had my hopes raised due to two of my favorite BtVS writers being involved with this movie.
- It just wasn't fresh. It felt like a longer, more gruesome Buffy episode. Except that the laughs seemed kind of out of place, because it wasn't in the context of BtVS. It's strangely hard to describe.
- It was alternately tiresomely predictable and tiresomely unpredictable. Like, predictably unpredictable, if that makes any sense. Where it tried to be "different," it was too obviously trying to be different, and yet in the next scene it used the same predictable things that always happens in horror movies. It didn't strike the right balance the way, say, the first Scream movie did, which was this fantastic mix of horror and making fun of the horror genre.
- It was lovely to see Amy Acker and Tom Lenk again, but I kind of felt like Tom Lenk should have been cast as "the fool" (Marty, I think his name was?). I found Marty to be REALLY annoying. I could not for the life of me place him, although I knew that I knew him (just looked it up; he was Topher in Dollhouse). Now that I know for sure who he is, I know he has a normal voice, which makes me feel okay about finding his affected Shaggy voice super annoying. If he'd acted more like the dickhead Topher was, I might've liked him more.
- I was, of course, thrilled to see Chris Hemsworth. It's amazing how he can be THOR, GOD OF THUNDER, then also some young college-age dude/jock. However, I had problems with his character. Kurt LOOKED like a jock, he behaved like a jock, and yet we were supposed to believe he wasn't really a jock, it was the chemicals they were pumping in, he was a sociology major who wouldn't dream of acting caveman like. AND YET HE HAPPENS TO LOOK LIKE CHRIS HEMSWORTH. Jesus, he would've been the perfect guy before all the terrible killing. But seriously, if he was actually that brainy, why was HE "the athlete" in the sacrifice? That makes NO SENSE. Why couldn't HE have been "the intellectual" -- why did that have to be Holden (I could have sworn his name was Paul, but Wikipedia tells me it's Holden O.o)? Because Holden wore glasses? (And btw, also happened to look like a jock. I need to find the place where they make these brainy jock types.) I mean, why not create an actual "jock" or "intellectual"? Why make an intellectual into a jock, just to make the story a little more complex so that it appears more deep than it really is? Also, why did Kurt have a dumb blonde (okay, so she wasn't blonde before, but she was totally acting like the dumb blonde) girlfriend, if he was such a freaking intellectual? I got the impression that they just made Jules more slutty/less inhibited with the chemicals, not that she underwent an entire personality change. Dana didn't seem to think her friend was acting that out of the ordinary. Not that a smart guy going after a dumb girl is unbelievable, men are men, but still, I like my fiction to be fictional -- I like to see smart guys go for girls with more substance, so yeah, I had a problem with it.
- Yeah, I could not have been less interested in Jules. I found it hard to believe she had ever been anything BUT a blonde at any point before the movie started. I was glad she was the first to go and that Chris at least survived that attack (how, we are not told). I was also not that interested in Holden (I swear to God his name is PAUL). We know the least about these two characters, although at least Holden showed some decency wrt the mirror, and later whips on glasses. Except KURT is the one who shows us his intellectual prowess early on when he's looking at Dana's textbooks. So again, it makes no sense to make Holden the intellectual, if they already HAD an intellectual in the group. I mean, other than whipping on a pair of glasses, does Holden display his smarts in any way? If so I missed it. (There was a very short period of time during the movie during which I was emailing Jade about how my brain had exploded due to seeing Thor and Andrew in the same movie. In my defense on this theater no-no, I was 1 of 3 people in the audience and sitting far away from the others.)
- I really liked the actress who played Dana, even though she kept reminding me of someone else -- can't place who, maybe a bunch of different actresses, but I want to say mainly Bryce Dallas Howard -- except that we didn't really know enough about her, or any of them really, to actually root for them. Had this actually BEEN a BtVS episode, of course that character development would not have been necessary. In this movie, as with most movies of its type (Final Destination, Scream, etc.), we just don't know the victims all that well -- and especially in this case because we're told that their natural personalities have been subverted with the use of chemicals and what not.
- I might as well say it -- there was way more chemistry between Kurt and Dana than any other pairing. IT SHOULD'VE BEEN KURT AND DANA TOGETHER AT THE END. *That* would have been more of an 'unpredictable' ending if that's what they were going for, because the effing jock NEVER makes it to the end in these movies; it's ALWAYS the self-aware nerdy guy/gal.
- The ending was seriously underwhelming. Really, they didn't plan for the possibility that one of their sacrifices might find that maintenance room? That they could create that much chaos and there's nothing the control people can do about it but fire machine guns? PLEASE. Seriously, if you're going to be in charge of something like that, some kind of safe room or protocol would certainly have to be in place. (In a universe where there are Old Gods that actively need to be sacrificed to, with zombies and other supernatural creatures about, there's NO supernatural method to counter them? Just axes and guns? Pffffffffft.) I just didn't think Dana/Marty really DID anything all that spectacularly awesome. They found a control room that just HAPPENED to be unmanned, whose door HAPPENED to be unlocked, and they fucking pushed a couple of buttons. SERIOUSLY??????????? This was so, so sloppy. Possibly the most disappointing part of the whole thing. Once this happened, I pretty much checked out for the rest of it.
- What was with making Jules show her tits btw? The control guys were acting like it was a necessary thing, that she had to do it for an audience. Except we learn that they're doing all this for the ritual sacrifice, and I don't think the old gods are sitting there with their cocks in their hands going, "Oooh yeah, boobies!" This bit near the beginning makes it seem more like they're airing this "reality TV" for a very human audience, a la The Truman Show. But they're not. There's really no "TV" aspect to it at all, other than the guys running the thing who need to see what's happening so they can manipulate it, and they're supposedly doing it just for the ritual sacrifice, not to get their rocks off. The only audience entailed the people who work at the control "company," but they dispersed after the wagers about who the killers were going to be this time -- they weren't even there to see Jules's tits. So WTF? That made no sense whatsoever, unless it was a remnant of an earlier plotline that DID involve a human audience, and they decided to stupidly keep it in because, hey, boobs.
- The basic premise aside, which is such a BtVS episode premise, of a group of humans who are systematically sacrificing people to old gods in order to keep them at bay -- there were too many "yeah right" moments. If one of the Buckners was in the RV the whole time, WHY would it have waited until all the stuff with the tunnel and Kurt jumping off the cliff, etc., to strike? IT'S A FUCKING ZOMBIE. It's not "lying it wait" -- it doesn't do that!!! And then, after it killed Holden, why didn't it just turn and stab Dana? The water weakened it in some way? OK and the most ridiculous one of all -- once Dana has climbed onto the dock and that other Buckner finds her, why does it play with her for MINUTES ON END while the control room is celebrating, etc.??? Again, it's a fucking zombie! It could've killed her with one whack! Instead it's alternately choking her and throwing her and it's totally like, wtf? With Jules it just dispatched her, but with Dana, it decides to use the LEAST efficient methods of killing? SO LAME. All to give Marty time to get there and save the day? Ugh. Again, SO SLOPPY. Also, I like how Marty and Dana were running around with what should've been fairly grave injuries, but they acted like what those injuries actually were -- makeup and corn syrup. I mean, they were in NO PAIN. They did not slow down. Fucking Marty was STABBED. The fact that he didn't die was already a miracle/on the verge of unbelievable, but didn't he have some fucking injury somewhere to account for all the blood? So ridiculous. I could probably go on and on in this bullet if I really let myself, so I'll just stop there.
- In theory, I like the premise that the good guys are also bad guys, and the bad guys are also good guys ... but I thought the execution of the movie not only didn't live up to that, but failed it.
- As for the actual ending, meh. I thought they made the right choice. Humanity's not worth saving. The message and the way it was delivered was a bit overwrought, and Sigourney Weaver's appearance was a bit too DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN -- I just wanted it to end by that point. It tried too hard to be like, "This is how it's going to end! Psych! This is how! Psych again!" It was just really tiresome. Again, it seemed obvious that they wanted to stay a step ahead of the audience, except by doing so the stutter-start was more annoying than anything. That's where the predictably unpredictable comes in.
- I don't know if people who didn't watch BtVS would find this movie refreshing, because they've never seen anything like this, or if they'd find it totally WTF. For someone who did watch and love BtVS it was, as I mentioned first thing, too much like it without the context of the BtVS universe to make it good.